It also feels as if something is monitoring all of my actions. As if they are very carefully being scrutenized.  Almost as if it all happens in slow motion. There is no judgment involved. Just an observing.

Neti, Neti is going on. A perpetual ‘Not This, Not This’. Every second of the day that I try to reach out for something to save me or make it better, the whispered not this, not this, immediately renders it futile. The waiting is still there. I should say ‘Waiting’ with a capital W. It feels like an old friend and it seems to be a very holy action that leaves me without a choice. How easy it is to take all of this to the fact that I am no good and basically useless. How tempting the seductive, But what about learning how to manifest? What about being positive? What about springing into action? And as soon as this thought is completed, it is being neutralized.

What I am left with is the bitter sweet taste of complete and total Surrender to That Which is Happening. Mixed in with Gratitude. Thank God for that.

Perhaps the only problem is that basically there is no problem. Seeing it through the Bigger Perspective, there has never been one. Perhaps this is what it feels like to give up all sense of control. It is a very humbling experience. The illusion of control is coupled to an inbred yet innocent sense of arrogance.

So all I can do for the time being is to Bless each and every person, instance, situation, circumstance and occurance that has ever crossed my path. Including myself. I Bless them for teaching me and I Bless myself for bearing witness.

The first authority in our lives is our parents. That is how our brains became conditioned. And what was the conditioning? How did you respond to an authority when you were very young? You obeyed! Of course later on in life we also learned to rebel, however the first appeal was to obey.

We project authority on god, priests, doctor’s, the law, accountants, the taxman, the spiritual teacher, etc.

In the 1960’s Stanley Milgram did a now famous experiment that vividly reflects the neurological tyranny we live under. He took 40 normal people and told them they were part of a study on how “negative reinforcement” affects learning. In fact, it was all a set-up. The scientists were studying how the 40 volunteers would respond to a perceived authority.

The 40 people were required to electrically shock a student (an actor who was not really being shocked) when questions were answered incorrectly. The person doing the shocking and the student were in adjoining rooms. They could hear each other through an intercom, but there was no visual contact between them.

During the experiment, the voltage of each shock was increased with every wrong answer. With each increase in voltage came increased cries of severe pain, heart problems, and agonizing pleas to stop the experiment by the one being shocked (the actor). Yet, not a singe person stopped shocking the student with these initial signs of distress.

… not one of the forty subjects in this study quit his job as Teacher when the victim first began to demand his release; not later, when he began to beg for it; not even later, when his reaction to each shock had become, in Milgrim’s words, “definitely an agonized scream.”

Every one of the 40 subjects knowingly shocked the students all the way up to 300 volts. Ouch! Your outlet at home is only 110 volts, and that hurts a lot! Two thirds of people kept right on shocking the victim all the way up to 450 volts as long as the perceived authority (some guy in a white lab coat) encouraged them to continue. Fortunately, the shocking of the people was all faked. However, these ‘normal’ people doing the shocking did not know this. Many of the subjects agonized over pulling the lever as the voltage increased; yet, they still did it. All they knew was that someone they perceived as an authority was telling them to continue.

All of us like to think that we would act differently. Relate this study to virtually anyone, and without fail they feel they would somehow be the exception. The truth is that the odds are against us. This experiment has been repeated in Australia, Italy, Spain, Germany, Holland and Jordan with the same results. There is a pre-conscious neurological response when we are in the presence of a perceived authority over which there is no conscious control.

If you think about it for a moment, it’s not so mysterious. We were all raised children with parents and teachers whose authority helped us navigate the world; ignoring their dictates often led to negative consequences. We bow to authorities called doctors, policemen, and accountants all the time when it comes to physical and mental health, personal safety, and the IRS respectively. It’s quite frequently a beneficial thing to do, so our neurology often makes the pre-conscious decision to lead us down the path of acquiescence, even when it might not serve us.

Your pre-conscious neurological functioning determines your reaction patterns. The illusion of conscious will runs deep, but it is still an illusion. (Taken from From Here to Here – Gary Crowely – pages 25-28)

In my own personal life, authority was mainly represented through the spiritual teacher. My parents were the sweetest, non-invasive, loving and mild authority figures a child could wish for. But the spiritual teachers were a different story.

They not only represented authority, they represented the highest authority, for I equaled them to God. Not only was their wish my command, their every statement was my command. Without questioning it, ever.

Nevertheless, the conditioning is the same old pattern. The spiritual teacher says: ‘come and follow me, for this will make you worthy and forever happy’, the spiritual teacher says: ‘incorporate this discipline, for it will take you towards the highest goal and keep you on this virtuous path’, the spiritual teachers says: ‘give me your money, your time, your energy, your dedication and devotion, because only then will you attain what you desire’. And of course I would silently obey.

What the spiritual teachers didn’t literally say out loud, but what was apparently strongly implied to me was: ‘I am perfect. I have already attained the highest. I am your role model, therefore you need to do as I say, and not do as I do. Since I am already there, I cannot be questioned. Everything I do to you is nothing but a test, and will ultimately serve your highest good’.

Within the spiritual community, it is customary for the teachers to have their pictures up as much as possible. I realized that the portrayal of their face serves as a subliminal reminder of authority, and will constantly reinforce the neurological path to obedience. This is observed commonly within religion. However, this tactic is also frequently utilized by dictators (Saddam Hussain had his pictures up everywhere, and so did Adolf Hitler), to serve the same purpose.

I came to realize the only thing my obedience did for me, was to feed my fear. Fear of a lot of things, but mainly fear of not being worthy, not being good enough, which of course in turn fed the sense of shame and guilt.

Hidden behind these forces of fear and shame, is the drive to control my life. It will keep me forever on the very virtuous path of change, improvement, growth, achievement, development, etc. Always on my way to somewhere else, something else, some tomorrow, some new dawn that will make everything all right… in the future.

I saw that I was missing the point entirely. Everything is already perfect, exactly what it should be: a divine expression of a magical mystery arising as this, peacefully waiting for me to interpret and label it.

For me, life is not about ending our suffering, but about the realization that there is no one suffering, and within that, suffering may arise, as it does. The seeing of this may bring about a shift in perception, which entirely transforms the experience of suffering.

“The nature of suffering is that it speaks deeply to me of another possibility. By desiring pleasure and avoiding pain, I chop in two the very root of that possibility. (Tony Parsons – The Open Secret).

Janaki – December 2008

I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d teach less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

- Diane Loomans

It has been discovered that this pain center is exactly the same as the one triggered when you are physically stabbed or hurt. This is why rejection is such a deep threat to most people. This is why it is so painful.

We are most afraid of being excluded, of not belonging or rejected. For this reason we don’t like to hear a ‘no’. It makes us feel rejected. This is why a lot of people won’t ask for certain things, because they are afraid of getting a ‘no’. However, feeling rejected is a neurological pattern in the brain.

You can dissolve old patterns of behavior by becoming aware of them. By seeing their origin and how they are actually based on huge assumptions made by the brain. Find out more about this at http://tinyurl.com/2ularso

On Sunday, at the end of the workshop we were hanging out and suddenly this energy flow took over and we decided to found a new company. In a matter of moments we found a company name, a URL that is simply perfect and was still available. We saw the fields of expertise that we already have between the four of us. We will be offering skype coaching and be available for free presentations and workshops. We have already started to work on our website, and before long you will be hearing more about this. All I can say right now is that it is very exciting. The new company is called Women’s International Coaching Association. The four partners are Janaki, Cindy, Sandra and Mary.

Mary’s experience:

When something really hits the heart of the matter, then it’s gone afterwards. It’s literally liquidated. That is what I experienced in the workshop while I was doing a dialogue with Janaki. Janaki was sitting in the position of my mother, and I stood in front of her. Standing there, while going through the process, was total surrender to the invitation. That surrender was extremely empowering. There was an energy that took over completely. There was something deep inside, something that was very very old. Like it had been buried very deep into the earth. And for the first time it was given a voice and allowed to be expressed. It felt like giving birth to a whole new life. It felt like total surrender to the heart. In a way I have never exprienced before. A deep yearning came out to be expressed. It came from some part of me that had a lid kept on it for many years. It said: “can you just love me as I am. Accept as I am. Don’t ask anything of me. Just love me.”

Afterwards it felt like melting into an issness. There was a little part of me that was still not sure if the mother was willing to totally take me in, I could sense a fear that she might not be. But then Janaki and I fell into each others arms and we hugged. The sobs that came out were like the final release. Immediately after that the body responded. I got a splitting headache and the liver started a massive release of toxins. It went to the point where I had to take an enema, a hot bath and drink lots of water to support the body in its natural healing process.

As the toxins left the body, another aspect of this newly found wholeness became even more profound.

—

Cindy’s experience:

This way of working helped me take apart the communication experience so I can look at it piece by piece. When I regard communication in its entirety, it can be overwhelming and ungraspable. With this system I can put it into bite size pieces. I can go into each piece. What happened is that I got to understand my own blockage. I discoverd a very old pattern. I saw very clearly how I get triggered into it and how it takes me over. Then there is literally nothing I can do. Until it is seen.

It is almost like we stand opposite each other and we have this glass door between us. We  have the strong desire to break through it, but don’t know how. This offers  us an opportunity that literally lifts that glass.

To read more, please visit http://theworkingcompany.nl/htm_e/working_method.htm

Let’s take a closer look at this.

Many people suffer from a very old feeling of guilt. So old, that they don’t really know where it comes from. However, it often leads back to mom.

Undesirable behavior needs to be addressed, that is true. But if, on the other hand, this means that desirable behavior is rewarded, then what is the hidden message you give to your child? If  you behave in this way, I’ll become angry and sad, and if you behave in that way then I’ll become glad and happy. In other words: if I don’t succeed in making my mother happy, then it means I’m doing something wrong. So I have to make up for it.

Of course you can appreciate your child. But if that appreciation is always linked to a certain behavior, then you are teaching your child how to strategically manipulate. You are in the process of creating a pleaser. Your child will be seeking rewards from others for the rest of its life. So it’s not surprising that a lot of really young kids are experts in twisting their parents around their little fingers.

It is nothing less than survival behavior. Our primal need is safety. When mom and dad are happy, I feel safe. This is how your child learns how to suppress his or her emotions in order to control its environment.

There is nothing wrong with compliments and appreciation. But what would happen if they were unrelated to a certain behavior? Would your child have the feeling that it is being loved unconditionally?

The problem arises when we believe we need to actively do something about our situation, and when we strive for change and improvement. When this works there is no problem. When it doesn’t work however, or when we fall back into old patterns, we are often left with a sense of failure and powerlessness.

It seems that most of our suffering, ultimately comes down to a sense of separation. A separation that tells us we are different and apart from each other, that we are alone and vulnerable. When this sense of separation is present, it seems that all we want is to connect, to belong, and to be loved, and we will do just about everything to achieve that.

However, separation is not a mere thought that can be undone or that will simply vanish after investigation. Separation is an energetic contraction, from one moment to the next, that occurred when we were very young.

After that contraction, all we have been doing in our lives is seeking our way back home. Everything we long for, everything we seek or want or desire, ultimately comes down to the same thing. We want to go back to whatever it was we were before separation occurred. So we gladly seek out whatever individual, method or system promises us that, and we invest lots of time and money in order to achieve that. And as you may have noticed, there is a lot for sale out there, complete packages and recipes for the ‘perfect’ life.

We seek safety because we think it will bring us happiness, or perhaps we seek happiness because we think it is going to keep us safe. But in reality all this seeking often brings us, is a ride on a merry go round, which sometimes appears to be not so merry after all.

Perhaps it is not happiness we are seeking. Perhaps it is wholeness. Perhaps we all have this faint memory of something that we cannot express or put our finger on. And we seek this wholeness through relationships, financial security, social success, physical health, spiritual enlightenment, etc.; anything that will make us feel safe and happy.

Perhaps it is impossible to find wholeness, because by definition it is already there, and it is already all there is. What if it simply wasn’t being seen because of this sense of separation? Almost like looking at life through a veil.

Wholeness would include all of life, all that arises in life, whether it be stress, anger and sadness, or love, happiness and enjoyment. Perhaps the difference lies in experiencing these emotions from the identified point of view versus coming from the seeing of that which arises.

In our seeking we are constantly bargaining with the world to get a better deal. We are desperately trying to gain control over our lives. For me trying to gain control over my life is trying to gain control over the rain or the storm. It simply can’t be done, because it already does itself all the time.

Working with Four Questions and a Turnaround is not about eliminating or denying so called ‘negative’ emotions like anger, sadness, depressions, etc. – one can escape these emotions, because they are a part of life, like hurricanes and earthquakes.

We have been innocent from the beginning until we were told otherwise and believed it. There is nothing we can do to change ourselves. However, change may happen. Life is about seeing. Seeing parts of ourselves which were often denied, suppressed, judged, lamented, shamed or in need of change, because we were convinced that they were either inadequate or unsatisfactory. Normally speaking, when these parts are seen, they are immediately judged and categorized as either good or bad. The seeing that is being referred to here, is a seeing outside of judgment. A seeing out of compassion. Just a gentle noticing, in the allowance of which, a shift may easily occur.

These shifts can be like sudden shifts in perception, and are usually followed by a relaxation which is beyond relief (and belief). When these shifts occur, there are often glimpses of our own innocence. An innocence which could be seen as a ‘shamelessness’, in the most literal sense of the word: being, or living without shame or guilt. The answering of Four Questions may help create an environment in which this seeing can take place.

The main purpose of these package deals is to teach us how to change, improve, develop, transform, better, adjust, advance, progress, uplift, purify, shape up, straighten out, upgrade, metamorphose, renew, turn the tables, etc. (and of course to make money).

They contain lovely sales pitches such as:  you will overcome depression and become happy all the time, you will get rid of your addictions and solve all your problems, you will overcome physical illness and feel young again, you will live a stress-free life, all your relationships will improve, even the one with your parents and God, you will find your soul mate, you will no longer experience anger and become clear, you will have lots of energy, learn how to deal with your finances and how to become a ‘money-magnet”, you will overcome all fear, you will end all suffering and war on the planet, and of course you will become enlightened.

And it is all about control. It is almost as if we live forever in the dream of how to gain control over our lives, and how to maintain it.

I always love to see how my body shows me everything I need to know. One of the things it shows me is the fact that there is no control. I have no clue about my brain and how it directs all functioning, from physical to mental and emotional. It shows me that I have nothing to say about my heart-beat, the functioning of my organs, my breathing, the growing of my hair and nails, etc.

There is no control, it all functions perfectly without me, whether I am asleep or awake.

The whole thing about believing that something needs to change, about becoming something that I am not, is missing the point entirely. Like a blind spot. The point being that everything is exactly what it is, whether I like it or not. When I miss seeing things for what they are, and instead being entirely focused on what they need to become, I remain locked in the prison of wanting change, of wanting something else, something different, which often brings about a lot of fear, depression and stress.

Nothing is being promised here. Not living without stress, anger, sadness or suffering, no promises of everlasting happiness, peace and joy. I am not going to teach you how to create your own reality, I wouldn’t even know how to do that.

No conditions are required and no guarantees are being given. Instead there could occur a gentle shift into a relaxation where everything takes care of itself, just like it does in nature.

 Everything is the gift. This is nothing but a receptor, in which it is all received. Everything that arises or is perceived (and there is no difference), is the gift. As if the One is continuously giving to itself, feeding itself. It is not personal. Here is the same as there. If this may seem fortunate, it doesn’t mean that it is more fortunate than that. There is no difference.

Feelings or thoughts arising, and perception are one and the same. They only seem different.

 This is a container, that continuously overflows. It is all being contained over here. And then the thought arises that it is too much to contain, and then that is not true.

 There is a moving in and a moving out. It all flows into this and at the same time it all comes out of this.

 The gratitude can seem to be overwhelming.

 Not only does this not have substance, there is nothing that belongs to it.

It has no thoughts of its own, no feelings of its own, they just arise, seemingly within itself. But then there is no difference between within and without. This is true poverty and this is true abundance and wealth.

 There is everything and nothing at the same time. Everything is nothing is everything.

The effect of a perceived authority

We project authority in many different ways on many different people.  We all know all about authority, through our own individual experiences.

The first authority in our lives is our parents. That is how our brains became conditioned. And what was the conditioning? How did you respond to an authority when you were very young? You obeyed! Of course later on in life we also learned to rebel, however the first appeal was to obey.

We project authority on god, priests, doctor’s, the law, accountants, the taxman, the spiritual teacher, etc.

In the 1960’s Stanley Milgram did a now famous experiment that vividly reflects the neurological tyranny we live under. He took 40 normal people and told them they were part of a study on how “negative reinforcement” affects learning. In fact, it was all a set-up. The scientists were studying how the 40 volunteers would respond to a perceived authority.

The 40 people were required to electrically shock a student (an actor who was not really being shocked) when questions were answered incorrectly. The person doing the shocking and the student were in adjoining rooms. They could hear each other through an intercom, but there was no visual contact between them.

During the experiment, the voltage of each shock was increased with every wrong answer. With each increase in voltage came increased cries of severe pain, heart problems, and agonizing pleas to stop the experiment by the one being shocked (the actor). Yet, not a singe person stopped shocking the student with these initial signs of distress.

… not one of the forty subjects in this study quit his job as Teacher when the victim first began to demand his release; not later, when he began to beg for it; not even later, when his reaction to each shock had become, in Milgrim’s words, “definitely an agonized scream.”

Every one of the 40 subjects knowingly shocked the students all the way up to 300 volts. Ouch! Your outlet at home is only 110 volts, and that hurts a lot! Two thirds of people kept right on shocking the victim all the way up to 450 volts as long as the perceived authority (some guy in a white lab coat) encouraged them to continue. Fortunately, the shocking of the people was all faked. However, these ‘normal’ people doing the shocking did not know this. Many of the subjects agonized over pulling the lever as the voltage increased; yet, they still did it. All they knew was that someone they perceived as an authority was telling them to continue.

All of us like to think that we would act differently. Relate this study to virtually anyone, and without fail they feel they would somehow be the exception. The truth is that the odds are against us. This experiment has been repeated in Australia, Italy, Spain, Germany, Holland and Jordan with the same results. There is a pre-conscious neurological response when we are in the presence of a perceived authority over which there is no conscious control.

If you think about it for a moment, it’s not so mysterious. We were all raised children with parents and teachers whose authority helped us navigate the world; ignoring their dictates often led to negative consequences. We bow to authorities called doctors, policemen, and accountants all the time when it comes to physical and mental health, personal safety, and the IRS respectively. It’s quite frequently a beneficial thing to do, so our neurology often makes the pre-conscious decision to lead us down the path of acquiescence, even when it might not serve us.

Your pre-conscious neurological functioning determines your reaction patterns. The illusion of conscious will runs deep, but it is still an illusion. (Taken from From Here to Here – Gary Crowely – pages 25-28)

In my own personal life, authority was mainly represented through the spiritual teacher. My parents were the sweetest, non-invasive, loving and mild authority figures a child could wish for. But the spiritual teachers were a different story.

They not only represented authority, they represented the highest authority, for I equaled them to God. Not only was their wish my command, their every statement was my command. Without questioning it, ever.

Nevertheless, the conditioning is the same old pattern. The spiritual teacher says: ‘come and follow me, for this will make you worthy and forever happy‘, the spiritual teacher says: ‘incorporate this discipline, for it will take you towards the highest goal and keep you on this virtuous path’, the spiritual teachers says: ‘give me your money, your time, your energy, your dedication and devotion, because only then will you attain what you desire’. And of course I would silently obey.

What the spiritual teachers didn’t literally say out loud, but what was apparently strongly implied to me was: ‘I am perfect. I have already attained the highest. I am your role model, therefore you need to do as I say, and not do as I do. Since I am already there, I cannot be questioned. Everything I do to you is nothing but a test, and will ultimately serve your highest good’.

Within the spiritual community, it is customary for the teachers to have their pictures up as much as possible. I realized that the portrayal of their face serves as a subliminal reminder of authority, and will constantly reinforce the neurological path to obedience. This is observed commonly within religion. However, this tactic is also frequently utilized by dictators (Saddam Hussain had his pictures up everywhere, and so did Adolf Hitler), to serve the same purpose.

I came to realize the only thing my obedience did for me, was to feed my fear. Fear of a lot of things, but mainly fear of not being worthy, not being good enough, which of course in turn fed the sense of shame and guilt.

Hidden behind these forces of fear and shame, is the drive to control my life. It will keep me forever on the very virtuous path of change, improvement, growth, achievement, development, etc. Always on my way to somewhere else, something else, some tomorrow, some new dawn that will make everything all right… in the future.

I saw that I was missing the point entirely. Everything is already perfect, exactly what it should be: a divine expression of a magical mystery arising as this, peacefully waiting for me to interpret and label it.

For me, life is not about ending our suffering, but about the realization that there is no one suffering, and within that, suffering may arise, as it does. The seeing of this may bring about a shift in perception, which entirely transforms the experience of suffering.

“The nature of suffering is that it speaks deeply to me of another possibility. By desiring pleasure and avoiding pain, I chop in two the very root of that possibility. (Tony Parsons – The Open Secret).

Janaki – December 2008
]]> http://janakisblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/perceived-authority/feed/ 1 janaki28